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        王雁翎:散文詩,唯美感傷的青春

        來源:海南日報文化周刊 作者:王雁翎 更新時間:2019/4/28 0:00:00 瀏覽:341 評論:0  [更多...]

        大一的第一個學期是最輕松的,高考的長跑終于告一段落,跳進龍門的鯉魚也該舒緩地悠游一段了。我還是“清風無事亂翻書”。大一的中國古代文學講《詩經》和先秦散文,外國文學講古希臘神話,都是從盤古開天地講起,但因為這些還沒有與我的生命體驗接通,我還不能從內心深處喜歡它們。倒是中國現代文學從五四新文學開講,魯迅的散文詩《野草》、冰心的散文詩《繁星》《春水》、廬隱、石評梅的感傷小說、徐志摩、戴望舒的新詩,都曾或多或少撥動過我的心弦。但最對我胃口的還是兩本薄薄的小書,一本是郭風的《鮮花的早晨》,一本是何其芳的《畫夢錄》。

        兩本都是散文詩集。

        在我們人生的旅途中,珍珠般散布著這樣一些書,當你在恰當的時刻遇到它,你會覺得它簡直是為你而寫,里面的一字一句都應和著你的心跳和呼吸——它是“你”的書,不論什么時候,只要一打開它,你就會立即進入它的意境、氛圍的籠罩之中,與它的文氣接通,仿佛手中擁有了一支魔棒,無論從哪一個漢字進入,你的靈感的大門都會豁然洞開,火花四濺,熠熠生輝。

        這真是一種奇妙的讀書體驗。

        《鮮花的早晨》和《畫夢錄》,當時就是我的“靈感之書”。

        記得《鮮花的早晨》中有一篇散文詩《在雨中,我看見蒲公英》:

        ……是一陣驟雨……

        是一陣夏天的驟雨吧?雨從我們村莊的上空——

        從那好像松散的煤煙一般的浮云與浮云之間,灑下來了。

        這時候——

        我看見有的雨水,灑在溪邊的烏桕樹上了;

        有的雨水,灑在溪中了;

        ——我看見那流動不止的溪水上,在雨中生起一朵朵水泡,好像開放一朵朵珍珠般的花朵;開放了,在溪水上浮動著,又立即凋謝了……

        我看見有的雨水,灑在村前的石橋上了;

        ——過橋那邊的溪岸上,有一條草徑,兩旁長著一片青草。我看見從我們村莊的上空,從那煤煙般松散的浮云間灑下的雨水——

        我曾反復吟詠這篇散文詩,那流動的思緒,舒緩的語調、回環的句式、往復的吟唱,都似乎溶進了我的血液之中,我的心隨著這些優美的文字徜徉在雨后清新的大自然中,深深地陶醉了。

        不久,我自己也寫了一首散文詩,叫《小小的紅衣女孩》,大意是在盛夏席天幕地的雨絲中,天地間一派湮染的濃綠,萬徑人蹤滅,唯有遠遠的一個紅點從小變大——原來是一個撐著紅雨傘的小小的紅衣女孩兒走過來了。這篇明顯可以看出模仿郭風的痕跡。正好當時班里征集作品辦墻報,我就起了個“韻凝”的筆名,送了上去,惹得同學們在墻報前七嘴八舌猜測“韻凝”是誰,我耳紅心跳趕忙躲到了一邊。

        《畫夢錄》我記得封面是一把黑白的紙扇,飄著些煙云,似乎還有一滴大大的清淚。打開目錄,一徑讀下去:《雨前》《黃昏》《獨語》《夢后》《哀歌》《遲暮的花》……盡是些縹緲的憂傷、寂寞的清愁、美麗的孤獨、夢幻的低語……但它的文字是多么美啊,比如:

        我曾有一些帶傷感之黃色的快樂,如同三月的夜晚的微風飄進我夢里,又飄去了。我醒來,看見第一顆亮著純潔的愛情的朝露無聲地墜地。我又曾有一些寂寞的光陰,在幽暗的窗子下,在長夜的爐火邊,我緊閉著門而它們仍然遁逸了。我能忘掉憂郁如忘掉快樂一樣容易嗎?(《畫夢錄·黃昏》)

        我被這股唯美憂傷的氣息鋪天蓋地地裹挾,自己也變成了一朵瑟縮著做夢的小粉紅花,“她在冷的夜氣中,瑟縮地做夢,夢見春的到來,夢見秋的到來,夢見瘦的詩人將眼淚擦在她最末的花瓣上,告訴她秋雖然來,冬雖然來,而此后接著還是春,蝴蝶亂飛,蜜蜂都唱起春詞來了。她于是一笑,雖然顏色凍得紅慘慘地,仍然瑟縮著。”(魯迅《秋夜》)

        寫下《畫夢錄》這些如詩似夢般精致華美文字的何其芳,正是人生中做夢的年紀,他就像魯迅《秋夜》里所說的那朵瑟縮著做夢的小粉紅花;我也是。也許所有的青春都曾是“小粉紅花一族”,尤其當你破天荒秘密地愛了一個人的時候,臨風灑淚,見月傷心,那次第,怎一個愁字了得!

        《畫夢錄》雖說是散文集,但開篇卻是何其芳的一首詩《預言》:

        ——這一個心跳的日子終于來臨!

        ——你夜的嘆息似的漸近的足音

        ——我聽得清不是林葉和夜風私語,

        ——麋鹿馳過苔徑的細碎的蹄聲!

        ——告訴我,用你銀鈴的歌聲告訴我,

        ——你是不是預言中的年輕的神(《預言》第一節)

        這段詩是那么貼切地應和了我的心跳:希望、欣喜、未知、祈盼,正是我當時九曲回腸的寫照。我高中時的白馬王子上了北方一所名校,也是中文系,一進大學校門,我們就開始南北飛鴻。我們互相用散文詩一樣優美的文字、夸飾的詞藻描述著彼此的大學校園生活,我們沒說一個“愛”字,但我感覺,字里行間卻滿滿都是“愛”——不著一字,盡得風流。戀愛中的人自然而然就達到了中國古典詩詞的最高境界。

        那是我的散文詩時代。

        我兀自沉浸在散文詩的情調和氛圍中,每天晚上都懷揣著隱秘的激情寫著“情書”和日記,滿紙“哦”字的輕嘆和省略號。寫信、盼信、收信,成了我大一第一個學期的主要內容。

        但可悲的是,我們并不是心照不宣。

        有一天,他那長方形的鑲著紅藍條紋的航空信封又如期而至,卻像一把鋒利的刀片,殺死了我——他說:我的朋友,告訴你一個秘密,我愛上了一個姑娘!

        這個姑娘不是我!

        ——我激動的歌聲你竟不聽,

        ——你的腳竟不為我的顫抖暫停!

        ——像靜穆的微風飄過這黃昏里,

        ——消失了,消失了你驕傲的足音!

        ——啊,你終于如預言中所說的無語而來,

        ——無語而去了嗎?年輕的神?(《預言》第六節)

        我的初戀就這樣戛然而止,那個命中注定與我“志同道合”的人,并不是他!那份真正屬于我的愛情,尚未來臨。

        泰戈爾說:鳥已飛過,但天空無痕。無痕的是天空,有痕的是人心。我慶幸伴隨著初戀而來的文學的饋贈與滋養,它培育了我對美的熱愛,對文字的敏感,足矣。

        隨著初戀的終結,我的散漫的、雜亂的閱讀也告一段落,開始進入了大學中文系學生的專業閱讀。

        這時已是1982年的早春,古今中外無數的書籍向我涌來,而我,卻再也沒有書籍匱乏時代那種刻骨銘心的閱讀感受了。

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